My caller waited on the phone. In an age of instant gratification, he wanted some instant answers to make himself feel better. I explained that I had seen men take two entirely different paths to satisfy this need.
The first path was shorter but would lead ultimately to dissatisfaction, and the second path would take longer to accomplish but give him a sense of satisfaction that would last long into the future.
But first he needed some context. I told him he first needed some “sex education”, not about the sexual act (he knew what to do there) but about the wants, needs and desires of the opposite sex. It is my belief to this day that this is one of the greatest omissions in modern education.
He seemed to understand when I explained that women are “hypergamous” by nature, which in plain English means they will seek out the very best male genes to pass on to their children. Sex at the base of it is still a biological function designed to bring children into the world and ensure the survival of the species.
Women whether consciously or unconsciously will seek out a sexual partner with whom they first have an affinity for his physical looks. The closer to the ideal of a man with narrow hips, small buttocks, a broad muscled upper body, symmetrical face and full head of hair, the more their eyes will dilate with natural desire.
I explained to the caller that it wasn’t possible for every man to live up to the ideal, but he could live up to what that physical type actually represented. And I’ll get into that in a moment, but first, I wanted to explain to him what I thought was the wrong path to go down.
Today, with the help of social media and Internet in general there is a community of men who call themselves “pick-up artists.” They teach other men how to use subtle psychological tricks to get women to have sex with them. And it’s hard to argue with success, as these men are very successful. There is one problem to my mind and that is, its not long before the women realize that they’ve been gamed and although they’ve given their consent to the sex, they can’t help but feel a kind of degrading rape scenario.
So then, how does the “good guy” compete with these “bad boys?” Again, to many men this may seem like a long circuitous route to get what they wanted, but my stock answer will always be – build value. I explained to my caller, he had to invest in himself, to build in himself the kind of treasure that women valued. You did this with education and ambition.
Okay, so he worked in a warehouse for the moment, but did it have to always be. Men of ambition certainly have removed themselves from worse circumstances.
What he needed to do was no only to approach the girl, but find out what she valued and then become that guy. Sounded simple, but I know it’s not.
In the end, he may have found himself rejected anyway, but by investing in himself, he had gold that he could hold on to and use in meeting the next girl that came along. In finishing up the call, he asked me how he would know if his investments were working and I was fascinated by the question. In the end he taught me something that I hadn’t to that point realized.
“Men only truly know their value in the sexual market place
by the quality of the women that chase after them.”